the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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