Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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