I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
