Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
