Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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