I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
