she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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