mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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