I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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