Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
