dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
