he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
