and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
