I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
