Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
