I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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