I just made out with a guy for $7.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
