i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
