i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
