your parents love me but you hate me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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