You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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