I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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