Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
