great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Text me some of your sweat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
