she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
