I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
