I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
