he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
