Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
