She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
