i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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