It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
