Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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