Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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