he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
