Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
