You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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