She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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