I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
