is your mom at the bar?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
