Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
