I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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