I just cut my nipple shaving
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
