Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
