No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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