I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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