Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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