omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just high enough for therapy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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