If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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