Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
