I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
