On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found your dick twin last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
