Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
