Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
