Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
