help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
