So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming