someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.