Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am one with the molecules
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.