if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.