We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno