I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf