She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.