when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When are your genitals available?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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