I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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