I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
