that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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