I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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