She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
