Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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