she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
