at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
