I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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