I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
