I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
